Monday, June 20, 2011

Week Twenty Nine. One day at a time.

I am really struggling with the blank page today. 
Nothing exciting has happened recently that I didn't tell you about already here and here
My brother left the country again exactly a week after he arrived. 
I hope he left with lots to tell at home and great memories to look back at. 

It was a week of firsts for him as well as for me. 
The first time I went to Wadi Rum, the first time I braved a wall and loved it. 
It was the first time he was exposed to the Middle East, its food, language and culture.
The first time we spent real time together since childhood. We talked endlessly and, to my surprise, effortlessly. 
I was anxious about this. Because our lives are so different, our tastes in all sorts of aspects so little alike. Communication isn't really his strongest side and our interests do not overlap.
(Let me give you an example: Amman has this pretty impressive Roman Theatre which is within walking distance to Downtown. We had seen it from our taxi ride and walked in its direction while exploring Downtown. While I would have gone there exploring it as a tourist, my brother couldn't be bothered, stating "I have seen it from the taxi." I was and am okay with this. Old stones draw only a limited interest for him.) 

I read in some blog I don't recall a while ago that while being siblings in childhood is something we cannot choose, becoming friends and keeping a bond in adulthood requires effort from both sides and dedication. Not much differently to friendships. It needs attention because there is no "need" to stay close or in touch other than, maybe, family obligations.  
Until this week before my brother arrived I thought, we just didn't have it between us. We were just too different, our parents and family being the only thing holding us together. 
This feeling has changed. 
While, at the same time, I don't feel we are that much closer now. We won't start writing emails about how things are or how life is treating us. That's just not us.
But I felt an ease between us that wasn't there before. Or at least not as strong. 
The older we grew the better it has gotten between us. Being alone with him now does not make me feel awkward, afraid of the silence that might occur which I'd be anxious to fill. 
I learned this past week that I can be comfortably silent with him, no awkwardness. It's a relief to my weird character. 

I am now looking forward to seeing him again in Berlin some day, catching up. I want to know him better, that big brother of mine.

{Twenty nine down, twenty three more to go.}

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