Saturday, June 05, 2010

where I have been. where I am.

In April I anticipated Mays arrival. It couldn't be fast enough. And then.
May came and went by. Too fast. So many things happened. I traveled. Again. I have left my city behind in its most lovely season. Again. It is a sacrifice I am willing to take to satisfy my desire to see! to feel! to be! But then again. I am homesick. I know all too well how beautiful that city of mine is this time of year. How green and vivid and pretty. Every year in spring I fall in love with Berlin as if he was the most irresistable man you have ever seen. The One.
***
I settled into a house, a family that will be my home for several weeks.
Once again I have and had to get accustomed to living in a place that isn't mine. I love this new family of mine. They care for me like I am family. They have welcomed me into their home, into their family to make me feel as much at home as I could possibly be.
And still - will I ever be satisfied? I miss home. I miss the house I call home now. And again - so often already - it's not the house I miss. It's the one room where I can be creative, where I create and where I have and had tedious and heated arguments with my husband and the loveliest dinners.
***
I dived into a different country. A new old country. A country I have been before. And had to, needed to come back to and fall in love with all over again. A country with a name that always sounded exotic to me and that will always be full of excitement and wonder. Yemen. Head first I have dived into a different culture and language again. A language I love and cherish and that is dear to my heart and still foreign and new.
A culture I have read about, have seen before, differently. The culture that doesn't fail to amaze and irritate me all at the same time. Over and over again.
***
I am learning and have learned to appreciate the small things.
The green islands in the desert. The oases. The small things that I love so much but have grown accustomed to. Things I sometimes don't even see anymore.
The street caf├ęs in Berlin, the greenness, the possibility to walk, the availability of things, the every day beauty that is everywhere. And that I am still unable to capture (like other people do). My appreciation is homesickness, I know. Rarely have I felt as homesick as I feel now. It's painting Berlin and my feelings for it in the most precious, vivid colors.
***
I feel blessed for the new beautiful people I have met. This new world has opened up and embraced me.
The friendliness amazes and humbles me.
The conectivity makes me miss home a little less. Makes the homesickness lighter in anticipation of the soon.

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